she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
