I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
