And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
