I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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