i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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