im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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