who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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