You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
