Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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