I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
