My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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