non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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