as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
