i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Girls should come with a carfax report
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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