i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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