i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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