Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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