just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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