To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
