i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
