you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had sex on a roof
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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