Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
