Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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