how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
