im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
