yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
