Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
