My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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