He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize