I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My dick has a subreddit
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
