My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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