I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
