Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
