youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
