Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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