I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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