allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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