I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
