Your mouth is God's brothel.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
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I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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