yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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