HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
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