At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
