Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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