I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
