The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
