I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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