I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
