Im at strip club and am horny
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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