i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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