Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
