So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
