just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
