At least make sure they are 18
Why
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
