I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
