I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
