Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
