We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
