Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So much rum. So many feels.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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