she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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