I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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