So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize