wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
