just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
