Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
