ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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