I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
