i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
