Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
