alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
