Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
