I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
